The greatest movie ever made will return to theaters all over America on April 26. Seeing Casablanca on the big screen is a treat!

It's Mike Wallace (and hockey) day

LET'S GO PENS!!!!

First off, the Penguins come home to Pittsburgh for game 5 tonight at 7:30. The Pens should have won any or all of the first three games: no way around that.

But I can't get over that if the official had called icing on that first Philly goal in game one (remember, it was unquestioned and the NHL apologized for blowing the call), and if EVERY second after that had gone exactly the way it played out, it would be 2-2 and the Pens would have home ice for the last three games. That's a BIG deal.

Ah well. Let's hope Fleury (who stopped his last 14 shots after a rough start in game 3) is ready to play tonight.

MIKE WALLACE

Today is the day, folks. Wallace has until midnight to sign an offer sheet from another team. If he does sign it, the Steelers can either match it, or let him go and receive a first round pick as compensation.

If Wallace doesn't sign an offer sheet from another team, he has until June 15 to sign the Steelers tender of $2.7 million. If doesn't sign it by then, the Steelers can reduce that offer to 110% of his 2011 salary (which was $525,000). Or, he can hold out. I think he'll take the tender.

So, Wallace reportedly wanted Larry Fitzgerald money (long term deal at about $15 million/year). He could end up with less than $600,000 if he plays hard ball. Wow.

I think he going to sign his tender and also that the Steelers will continue to try and work out a long term deal with him. If he doesn't like what the Steelers offer, he'll probably try to get a big contract from somebody again next year.

I'm a little surprised that nobody went after Wallace. The guy is a game breaker. He has put up big numbers in all three of his NFL seasons and he hasn't caused any problems off the field or in the locker room. He plays hard and isn't a diva on the field. I can't recall a star free agent with no baggage generating so little interest before. His agent's demands must have really scared people away.

So, I expect Wallace to grumpily be back in Pittsburgh this season. With rare exceptions, the Steelers don't negotiate once the season starts. So if they don't work something out before then, it will be an unhappy Wallace in 2012.

But that's better than no Wallace at all.

While the Steelers reworked the roster for salary cap puroses and some familiar names are gone, pending Wallace coming back, the only real loss of free agency was William Gay.And he wasn't going to play much this year. So, a 12-4 playoff team stays intact. Another good offseason by the front office.

Bob's Books - Conan of Venarium by Harry Turtledove

This is the only Conan novel by alternate-history maven Harry Turtledove. In William Galen Gray's chronology, it is the first Conan tale, followed by Legions of the Dead and The Thing in the Crypt.

On the one hand, it is not actually a bad read for a sword (not much sorcery) novel, but it has some real problems with fidelity to Robert E. Howard's Conan. In fact, if you can forget it's supposed to be a Conan prequel, it works okay. However, as a tale of the sword swinging barbarian, it has quite a few holes.

The story takes place before the first of Robert E. Howard's tales, though he did allude to the Aquilonian outpost of Venarium, which was overcome by Conan and his people. Turtledove faces a problem: how to allow the Aquilonians to establish Venarium in Cimmeria and to keep it standing? The Cimmerians of the Conan saga don't come across as meek or submissive. I imagine something akin to Fort Tuscelan's struggle for survival in Howard's Beyond the Black River.

For me, Turtledove does not pull it off very well. The way Venarium is founded and the Cimmerian response is not at all what I depict. Regarding Conan's home village, Duthil: it comes across as your standard medieval village. There houses with several rooms, shops, a main street: this does not remotely strike one as a barbarian community. And we're at the root of the problem. An unlikely premise (the way Venarium was established) and an unbelievable depiction of Cimmeria. It's going to be hard to win over a knowledgeable Conan fan after this start.

A Conan tale with what I believe to be a much more realistic portrayal of Howard's vision is John Maddox Roberts' Conan the Valorous. Further, the Conan Role Playing Game supplement, Cimmeria, presents a more palatable view of the land and how the people lived.

The attitudes of the Cimmerians seem awfully civilized for a nation of, well, you know, barbarians. In fact, again, it seems rather medieval. To his credit, one thing Turtledove does well is incorporate the Aquilonian soldiers into the story. Their scenes give some depth to the tale. This is offset somewhat by the stereotypical bad guy: in this case, Count Stercus. He is about as deep as Snidely Whiplash.

The last chapter shifts to a tongue-in-cheek style, a tone completely out of place with the entire book. It is just about as silly as the chapter titled, "The Temple Out of Time," which does not remotely fit into the story. I haven't read all of the Conan books yet, but this is the first I've come across with no sex. Perhaps not surprising, since he's only 15 at the end of the tale, but it is another uncharacteristic element of the book.

While this seems like a pretty negative review, I didn't mind reading this book: it just isn't an authentic Conan tale. It reminds me of Quinn Fawcett's Mycroft Holmes novels. They were nice Victorian-Era James Bondish books: they just weren't Mycroft Holmes. In case you don't know, Mycroft was Sherlock Holmes' smarter, older brother and not at all a secret agent type of guy.

But I hoped for a better Conan coming-of-age tale. Since the copyright holders of Conan are inflexible regarding official pastiches (non-Howard tales), it is unlikely anyone will be given permission to tell the Venarium story again. Hopefully an unauthorized attempt will succeed where this one failed. And I'll add that I very much enjoyed Turtledove's alternate-Civil War history book, The Guns of the South. Just not this Conan novel.

Bob's Books - Conan, Scourge of the Bloody Coast by Leonard Carpenter

 Tor #32/1994

This is the eighth of the ten novels that Leonard Carpenter wrote in the fifty-book Tor series. In William Galen Gray’s chronology it is the fifty-fourth Conan tale, following Carpenter’s Conan of the Red Brotherhood (to which it is a sequel) and taking place before John Maddox Roberts’ Conan the Champion.

We saw Conan (known as Amra, here) more or less take leadership of an association of pirates in Red Brotherhood. Now he’s running the show, constructing a castle, fortifying the stronghold port city of Djafur and basically trying to establish it as a viable nation. He prods his fellow, independent captains into following his lead, citing the prosperity that inevitably results from his actions. He turns pirating into a profitable commercial activity with permits and the like.

The story largely consists of two parts: an extended undersea excavation and a big naval battle. Everything else is pretty much filler. There’s not a whole lot to this novel, and if you don’t buy into the ‘Conan as king of a pirate city’ thing, you aren’t going to put this in the keeper pile.  

Now, some of Carpenter’s description evinces a nice writing style, such as scenes where the ships are at sea. Other parts, however, do not. Note this exchange between Conan and his mistress (who would later drag him into a lesbian love triangle…)

                “The view of the stars is better here, too,” Conan remarked, drawing her close again and gazing skyward. “Would that my topmast could reach this high when I try to navigate on a foggy evening.”

                “I’ll raise your topmast, and I’ll fill your sails for you,” she bragged eluding his grasp and standing upright on the paves. “First, let’s strike some of this extra canvas.” Reaching to the back of her gown, she loosened it and let it slip down around her bare ankles.

                “Then stand ready to grapple and board,” he muttered hoarsely, lunging to his feet after her.

Really? I might have thought that clever as a teenager, but I’m not sure even then. Did that exchange seem Conan-ish to you?

This one is pretty tame on the Conan sex scale, with the wenches who get angry at him always falling back into his arms.

I haven’t read The Red Brotherhood yet, so I can’t compare this one to that.  Overall, I thought it was an okay book. One I didn’t mind reading but not one I expect to read again. He seems awfully forgiving to someone who betrays him, costing him a fortune and leaving Conan to escape a near certain death. The climactic battle was interesting, though I thought that the end of it was a bit weak.

If you like Conan as a reaver/corsair/pirate instead of a land-based barbarian, you should probably give this one a read, though I’d suggest The Red Brotherhood first, since it directly precedes Scourge.

Conan - Would he really say that?

Frank Frazetta's iconic depiction

I'm almost done with my review of Leonard Carpenter's Conan, Scourge of the Bloody Coast. This book contains the silliest, 'romance dialogue' I can imagine ever reading in a tale of the Cimmerian. How's this:

“The view of the stars is better here, too,” Conan remarked, drawing her close again and gazing skyward. “Would that my topmast could reach this high when I try to navigate on a foggy evening.”

                “I’ll raise your topmast, and I’ll fill your sails for you,” she bragged eluding his grasp and standing upright on the paves. “First, let’s strike some of this extra canvas.” Reaching to the back of her gown, she loosened it and let it slip down around her bare ankles.

                “Then stand ready to grapple and board,” he muttered hoarsely, lunging to his feet after her.

Really? I might have thought that clever as a teenager: though maybe not. It just strikes me as completely silly.

Full review coming (search 'Conan' on this blog and you'll see the other reviews I've done so far). The book has some points, but yeesh. I am enjoying the next book up for review, John Maddox Roberts' Conan the Rogue.

Glorious Day - It's Easter Week

We are six days away from celebrating the greatest event in the history of the world. Death was conquered and man was forgiven, redeemed and justified.

Casting Crowns' Glorious Day is one of my favorite songs. It is both beautiful and Biblically awe-inspiring.

And here's a sermon  I wrote on this wonderful, worshipful piece of music.
http://solarpons.com/GloriousDay.pdf